fragmented

It's been a disorientingly odd and full day. I'm suddenly reminded of The Princess Bride and the journey trough the swamp inhabited by Rhodents of Unusual Size. Today felt like I was walking a tightrope in the forest with all the R-O-U-Ses and it was a wobby tightrope indeed.

On the one hand, there was the satisfaction of knowing the Living Inquiry project poster layout is done. On the other hand, once I retrieve the posters from the photo lab, the exhibit still needs to be laid out and mounted at the gallery (though I'm only a support person on that front, not the lead). I'm experiencing a now-but-not-yet restlessness on that front. I'm edgy, uneasy at some level.

The uneasiness may also be from coming off a week of 15 hour work days. With the poster design work behind me, I'd hoped for a solid night sleep last night, but woke early instead, feeling unrested. I had a relatively unscheduled day ahead of me, but I felt like I spun my wheels between phone calls, emails, dishes, cleaning, errands, repeat errands, plans made, plans cancelled, messages to guys/dates I don't need to see again and other, related disappointments I won't detail here. I also got my hair cut. My stylist tried something different to manage the thickness--she's cut deep layers into the middle thickness of my hair, so even there I'm fragmented.

ALL day, through the randomness and busyness, my heart was heavy again with the sorrow over the imminent move of my sweet R and her family, and there were tears in spite of my recent resolution to be brave and supportive about it. I saw the girls yesterday and it was all I could do not to cry the whole time. I was hyper-attentive to every detail, hungry to stock my memory bank with every look and freckle.

So it's been THAT kind of day. The good outweighs the bad, but my extreme fatigue forces the scales to tip in the other direction. So, on the seeking Truth and Beauty front, what's to be said?

I smelled a peony this morning, multicoloured and elegant. I also smelled lilac though there wasn't a lilac bush in sight. The rhododendrons are in boom everywhere. I have everything I need. I think I'd better tuck myself in now with the memory of that burgundy and white peony. "Better days ahead, sweetheart," my mom would say, "Better days ahead.