choices

It's late. So late, it's already tomorrow. And even though I had another long day and the same awaits me tomorrow, I feel I need to report that I think I've turned a corner. I've been grief-struck over the imminent departure of my friends. While I can't say that the prospect hurts any less, I think I've come to terms with it.

I spoke with my parents about it yesterday-- getting the perspective of immigrants who left all their family and friends behind for the promise of another kind of life. It just so happens that they heard many of the things I was saying about my friends' departure when they made plans to leave for Canada over fifty years ago. There are generations and generations of pioneers who've struck out on a new path in spite of the objections of loved ones. It happens all the time. I can't even deny that it's my own story. While talking to my devoted parents, I realized that for all my love for them, I pretty much followed in their footsteps when I put over 5000 kilometres between us for what I thought were good reasons when I moved to Vancouver over sixteen years ago. I don't love them any less for all the distance. They know that. I know that.

I also realized that I have many relationships that span many miles and these relationships are precious and true and beautiful. I don't want to add anything to the long-distance love list, but if I have to, I can, tears and all.

And, ultimately, I realized today that I have a choice to make here: either be miserable because of a loss, or make an effort to celebrate what my friends think is a good move for themselves and their family. Choosing to be miserable is rarely a good idea. I'm going to make the effort, to be brave, to trust that the bonds of love will stretch the distance between wherever my feet are planted on this earth and wherever my friends plant their feet. I wish I could see every little developmental step that my little R and E make in their lives, but that's a privilege I have to leave to their parents, hard as that is. I have to trust that my wanting to be there counts for something, in spite of the distance. And I pray to keep close to my heart the sense of gratitude for the time we have shared in such close quarters. It's been beautiful.